What A Reason And Why You Need to Stop Having Networking Conversations

Colleague of mine recently flew to another country to attend a sizable social event, which was meant to be fun. At this particular function, there were many people she knew. At one point, a successful entrepreneur came up to her and started a networking conversation after quick pleasantries that lasted less than a minute.

"Do you happen to know anyone who might be interested in our service?"

"I know you've started to develop contacts in Europe. Did you know that our company has done excellent work overseas?

My colleague told me that she tried to end the conversation as quickly as possible, after being confused as to why the entrepreneur would be bringing up business at a social affair in such a way. There's a time and place for everything, and this place was not the time for networking conversations out of the blue.

Some people think networking is a waste of time and they don't do much of it. Then you have other people who believe that every moment is the right time to be selling.

Networking is an art

The reality is that networking is an art. The reason why my colleague was immediately turned off to the approach by the entrepreneur, despite the fact that she appreciated and liked his work, was because she didn't want to be sold to--particularly at a social function!

Access matters

Networking has to happen in the right place and at the right moment. It's not about meeting just anyone and blathering on about your successes and what you're looking to achieve. It's about getting in front of the right people to provide value to those people and also figure out a win/win.

The right people

My colleague was not one of the right people for the entrepreneur and his industry. She did not have any contacts in that industry, and as the entrepreneur began to pitch his business and successes, my colleague wondered why she was being pitched at a party on a topic and industry she barely knew.

Strategic networking

As I said, there are people out there who believe that networking is a waste of time, and to a certain extent, that's true. The reason for it is simple: people do what the entrepreneur did. They are not strategic about their networking. They talk to people just to talk and then wonder why they come away with nothing. To be successful at networking:

Be smart about the people you want to speak to and figure out how to get access to them. The reality is that you don't want to talk to everyone about your business. You just want to talk to the right people. A couple of years ago, a piece was written in Harvard Business Review about networking, and a story was related about Davos. The author wrote about an exceptional networked who said that most of what happened in Davos anyone can research or discover for him or herself. However, the most outstanding value of Davos was the access to the right people and the development and deepening of relationships.

Don't look for quick results in networking. People can become disillusioned with networking because they think they are not getting the results they want. Did the entrepreneur believe that the conversation he had with my colleague would land him a new deal? I think that deep down, he knew that wouldn't happen. The best networking comes from developing solid relationships with the right people that create winning opportunities and situations for both parties. The best networking is indeed a very strategic endeavor.

Sometimes the best opportunities arise from people that are not your closest supporters. One of the best sales experiences I had was sitting face to face with someone and engaging with someone on a personal level as we came up with ideas. The conversation ended up turning into a significant six-figure deal, but it came from a relationship which was not yet warm. I knew this person a little bit, but there were a freshness and dynamism to the relatively new relationship. Often, it makes sense to consider networking with people. Increase relationship.

Business Networking Event

Business networking events can be crowded, awkward, and overwhelming. Often, attendees spend time talking to everyone they can, collecting business cards, and later ending up feeling like they wasted their time. For those who are not extroverts at all, they border on painful. These events can actually be extremely beneficial, but will be ineffective if approached the wrong way. This article provides six tips about how to not only survive the event but also get something valuable out of the experience.

1.Have some direction. If you don't have a clear goal from the minute you walk in the door, you are more likely to get overwhelmed and not know what to do. So, before the event, take a little bit of time to think about what you want out of the experience so that you and go into it fully prepared and ready to work towards your goal.

2.Look and act professional. First impressions do matter. Both your attire and your demeanor should be professional. Put on a suitable outfit, bring business cards, and make sure you are well-mannered throughout the entire event. Also, there is often alcohol available at these functions. It is absolutely fine to have one or two drinks, but if you don't know your limits, you will come across as unprofessional rather than as someone with whom people would like to conduct business.

3.Be positive and enthusiastic. Displaying passion and enthusiasm is an excellent way to inspire people and win them over. It can be contagious, fostering memorable conversations. Smiling will demonstrate warmth, and people will see you as friendly and inviting. Few things turn people off more than a negative attitude, so make sure that is not how you come across. Also, as in all areas of life, you are more likely to succeed if you are genuine and be yourself.

4.Talk to the right people. Don't stick with the people you already know. It may seem tempting to avoid the risk of awkwardness by talking to people you have already met and are comfortable with; however, this does not bring any new value to attending networking events. Instead, branch out. Actively seek out influences, thought leaders or industry experts, and people who are likely to be well connected. For example, the organizer of the event probably knows a lot about those in attendance and can help you determine who to approach.

5.Listen and ask questions for better conversations. It may seem counter intuitive to avoid talking about yourself. How will people know what you have to offer? Yes, your goal is to get something out of the event, but you are unlikely to make any real connections that will prove beneficial if all you do is self-promote. Instead, listen attentively to what each person is saying and ask good questions in order to demonstrate interest. You will learn something and find yourself engaging in sincere conversations that will more likely to spark genuine connections that will become mutually beneficial.

6.Make your life easier by jotting down brief notes after each valuable interaction. If you have a conversation that sparks a connection you would like to continue to build or in which you make any promises about further contact, jot down a few notes about the interaction on their business card immediately. You will need to follow up, so doing this will make it easier to personalize that communication with details from the conversation.

By following this guidance, you are likely to truly see something positive come out of your efforts at networking events rather than getting overwhelmed or overzealous.

Business Networking Profit And Enjoy

You are at a business networking session and you are captivated by a speaker who wants to regale you with a litany of important people that they have supposedly recently spent time with. "Oh, the other day I had coffee with the Mayor... " "I was just saying the very same thing to my good friend XXX, you know that he owns half the town." "Yeah, my best friend is the Crown Attorney and she was telling more... 

"To coin a phrase... "blah, blah, blah, yaddey, yaddey, yaddey!"

I suppose that it is a fact of life that we need to accept. There are some people in life that need to name drop to build up their ego or their sense of importance. On the other hand, I have met some people that are so narcissistic that it would never occur to them that their listener doesn't know the individuals who have been offered as proof of something, nor would even care if they did know them.

Having worked in mental health/psychiatry for 35+ years I have learned at least one concept that has served me well and that is "all behaviour has meaning." The challenge is that we don't often know what the meaning is or what purpose it is serving and likely the other individual doesn't either.

A person who has a tendency to drop names of important people into conversation, and the term "important" is subjective, could be nervous or lack self-confidence in a 1-1 conversation. Talking about "important" people could be a maladaptive coping mechanism, one to relieve the individuals anxiety. If the person they are talking about is well known or popular the concept seems to be that some of that popularity will rub off on them. It is probably similar to bragging about one's self.

Once you recognize that the individual is monopolizing the conversation and playing a game of "look who I know!" what do you do about it? 

Not taking action is one choice. You could continue to listen to the one-sided conversation. Odds are if they have dropped some names into conversation they likely have quite a few more to offer. It would probably be a good idea to extricate yourself by excusing yourself before you doze off.

Another option could be to derail the conversation i.e. take it off its likely track by saying something to the affect of "Oh you know XXX. I have been wanting to meet them for a while. Could you introduce us or arrange a meeting?" This action on your part could have a positive outcome if the individual actually does know the V.I.P. and can introduce you to them. Or if they don't really know them, they may start to back paddle i.e. change the topic or avoid the request made of them and keep the conversation going in a direction where they continue to own it.

A third option could be a variation of the old "See you later alligator!" At a business networking function odds are high that you can leave this one-sided conversation and move on to a more productive one.

Is there a time when it is appropriate for you to name drop? Yes, I believe so. Name dropping or inserting another person's name into the conversation can help build your credibility as someone who is well-connected, one who has a good understanding on a particular topic and it can even develop your personal influence.

Some examples might be:

When having a conversation about a particular topic, issue or problem and you know someone who has faced a similar situation, you could mention their name and describe the lessons that they learned as they dealt with the subject. You could offer your services as an intermediary and propose to introduce the person that you are speaking with to someone that you know that could be in a position to assist them. At a later date, perhaps at a "getting to know you" coffee meeting you could explore with each other who each of you knows and if there is a possibility that any of these connections could be of value in helping with a current need.

I hope that through this article I have been able to raise your awareness to the "name-dropper" style of net worker and offer you some ideas on how to deal with them. But then again... name dropping can be an effective networking tool if used effectively. Try it out and see how it works for you.